If you're walking down the street,
And a tough-looking character you meet,
Who would like your legal tender,
Or a sampling of your gender,
Don't scream or run away,
Or else he just might say
You're anti-social.
These are the rules of etiquette,
From Texas to Connecticut.
Jut follow them and you'll go far.
You'll be socially appealing,
As long as you're not revealing
The kind of person that you know you are.
You're just an unkemp, unpolished, uncoordinated,
Awkward, vulgar, rude, and uncultivated,
Ill-bred, tactless, coarse, and discourteous,
Boring, insensitive jerk.
They'll say you're garish, barbaric,
Crass and outlandish.
Being uncouth is your job.
You're just an inveterate,
Communist degenerate,
First class American slob.
If in high society you're a beginner,
And you're going to a formal dinner,
Here's a rule you can't forget.
When they serve the crêpe Suzette,
It isn't very cool
To eat with your entrenching tool.
These are the rules of etiquette,
From Texas to Connecticut.
Good taste is here to stay.
So be careful what you wear,
And the way you comb your hair,
Or else everyone is gonna say
That you're just an unkemp, unpolished, uncoordinated,
Awkward, vulgar, rude, and uncultivated,
Ill-bred, tactless, coarse, and discourteous,
Boring, insensitive jerk.
They'll say you're garish, barbaric,
Crass and outlandish.
Being uncouth is your job.
You're just an inveterate,
Communist degenerate,
First class American slob.
[burp] 'scuse me.
